Saturday, July 23, 2011

Creating beautiful leftovers!

My yarn stash is kinda out of control.

Ok, not REALLY out of control. It all fits into one duffle bag, I swear. Well, and my grandma's old knitting basket. And a few things in the drawer of the plastic storage compartment where I keep my painting and beading supplies...

I'm a crafter. And things tend to accumulate. Especially yarn - after all, sometimes a pattern will end up using 3/4 of a ball of yarn, so what are you supposed to do with the other 1/4 that you can't make a whole pattern out of?

Morehouse Farms is a beautiful small retailer that has solved the problem for me. Not only have they rescued sheep in trouble and brought them into their fold, but their kits are also simple and beautiful. AND they have "leftovers" patterns on their website, so that you and I don't have to feel guilty about those small rolls of yarn we couldn't use but still thought were lovely and could make SOMETHING.

Click here to discover table runners, mitts and more, all made with your leftover yarn.

Image courtesy of ukapala |

Friday, July 8, 2011


Welcome to my kitchen! On tap: Ginger-Peach iced tea.

It's summer and I'm thirsty pretty much all the time. If I join a friend for lunch or 'coffee', my order is invariably an iced tea. I was happily surprised by a Pizza Hut in Minnesota, which actually brought me fresh-brewed tea on ice - unsweetened, which is how I drink tea whether it's warm or cold.

I've brewed tea, added ice cubes, and put it in the fridge before. The results never varied: my parnter sniffed, said he thought it smelled ok, and tried a couple of sips from my glass before foresaking my attempt. No Nestea or Lipton's for him, either. He buys Arizona brand green tea, sweet tea, any of their offerings he can find.

Forget that. I'mma make my own.

Today I created an iced tea that both partner and I enjoy. Here's how:

Steep 4 Ginger-Peach Herbal Tea bags in 4 cups of boiling water for 6 minutes. Stir in at least 5 sugar cubes (5 teaspoons of sugar), 2 teaspoons honey, and 3 pieces fresh cut ginger.

In desired pitcher, pour 3 cups cold water and add 6 ice cubes. Let stand until tea has steeped.

Add hot tea and ginger to cold water. Allow to refrigerate for at least 4 hours before drinking.

The same beautiful tea that kept me warm in the winter can keep me cool in the summer. Wonderful =)

Sunday, June 26, 2011

The right pair makes all the difference...

When my good friend Holly walked in, I could tell right away that something was different. A new pair of glasses - a beautiful wrought-metal frame. After admiring them, I asked (perhaps rudely) how much they had cost. After all, my own most recent pair would have been unaffordable if not for health insurance.

Holly's answer surprised me. She said that the frames were from the 1950s, and she had purchased them through an online antique site for just $40. The prescription lenses that were in the frame when it arrived didn't match Holly's needs, so she ordered lenses to be cut to fit the frame, in her prescription.

For people like me who require thicker lenses for special conditions, just up and ordering any pair of glasses isn't possible. But frames can cost over $200, and if I was able to find the right frame, why couldn't I get an inexpensive one and only pay for the lenses?

Let's see if I can look as good as Professor Tiger up there. Next time I need a new pair of glasses, I'll be looking online first.

Image courtesy of gabetarian |

Thursday, May 26, 2011

I want my A-Do-Be!

Time to get colourful!

If I hadn't already thought that Adobe's Creative Suites were the most fun way to get work done, the Creative Communications program proved it to me. My time spent on Adobe's mailing list yielded interesting but not so useful information, until earlier this week when an email titled Graduation Special! arrived. The entire Master Creative Suite for under one thousand US dollars? Yes please!

I contacted one of the helpful Live Chat reps on the Adobe site and learned that, since I haven't received my diploma, I am still considered a student. A few glitches later, and approval of my student status from The Adobe Store, and I am about to download the Creative Suite - Student Edition.

What does this mean when I am no longer a student? I will be able to pay just the upgrade fees, instead of purchasing everything from the get-go without my student status. My graduation is approaching, it's true, but why else would Adobe offer a "graduation special", if not to appeal to those of us about to enter the wild world of professional work?

May 31 is the deadline to take advantage of Adobe's Free Shipping offers as well. Soon-to-be grads still wanting to get their hands on Adobe: act now!

Image courtesy of

Friday, April 29, 2011

airport workout

Flying home a day early to keep an appointment with my surgeon was frustrating (although I did work overtime to make up the lost day of work placement). What was even more frustrating was arriving at the airport two hours early. This should ensure I am at the correct departure gate with time to spare, correct?

Instead, what happens is that on any given day, each plane scheduled to arrive is auto-assigned a gate number. As planes are late landing, delayed taking off, or required to sit at the gate while they're being repaired (landing gear or engine problems? YES PLEASE ground it until it's fixed!), the numbers shuffle so planes that haven't yet arrived are told to prepare for a different gate.

By the time my flight arrived, it had been through four gate numbers and instead of the calm, collected me that entered the airport, it was a rather confused and hurried me that made sure, several times, that gate # the fourth was in fact the landing place of my flight home.

Lesson learned: arriving early doesn't always save you time and hassle.

Monday, April 25, 2011


I'm fortunate to have a big family, which includes many aunts. Despite being a bratty child, these relatives have always been kind to me, and a recent stay with one aunt in Ontario landed me a pair of shoes. It's not the first time this has happened - a visit to another aunt in Alberta led to a ransacking of her closet (done by her, of course) and many new items of clothing in my suitcase. I'm starting to think that my aunts save up all their no-longer-wanted clothes, shoes, and accessories to pass on to me - and I'm totally fine with this. Whatver I can't use, I pass on to friends or family back home.

Friday, April 15, 2011


It's spring, and I'm thinking about paint.

My lovely character apartment has walls that didn't get much love when the previous tenants moved out. And I've decided I need my own room. The one I'm getting has three grey walls and a greenish one, while the master bedroom will get some brown and taupe paint, much softer than the deep purple that's in there right now. We'll cover up the gouges in the plaster, the places where the second coat didn't quite cover up the colour underneath it, and the place will look amazing.

Oh, and the paint was free. All of it.

My parents don't throw anything away, and of the cans of paint they opened for us to look at, about half were still in good condition to paint with. As far as I can tell it's all low-level VOC emission stuff, so even if things do get a little heady despite open windows and an air purifier, I won't be killing myself slowly.

If you're looking to paint, talk to the friend who just renovated the kitchen or who had the living room repainted a couple years ago. The leftover paint will probably still be useable and the people storing it will likely be glad to get it off their hands. And who knows, they might have really great colours too.

(image courtesy of daino_16 at

Friday, April 8, 2011

Tough Stains Get Tackled

As a last-week-of-classes blog post, I'm going to post a list of some unusual yet useful stain removal tips I've come across. Before you take your clothes to an expensive dry-cleaner's, try these!

1. Lemon juice and baking soda: Supposed to be fantastic for removing discolouration (i.e.: if you washed a blue shirt with a yellow one and parts of the yellow shirt are now green). In my experience, the discoloured parts became fainter but did not entirely disappear.

2. Salt: Sprinkled on a fresh red wine stain, salt is supposed to help remove the stain. Haven't had occasion to try this one yet.

3. The freezer: If you've got gum stuck to your clothes, this trick actually works. Place the soiled item in your freezer for about 15 minutes, remove from freezer, and scrape off the solidified gum.

4. Hairspray: Removing red ink from clothes is a breeze with this trick. Don't wait longer than 24 hours, though.


5. Tea tree oil: This concentrated oil is a natural astringent. It's good for your skin because it clears up acne, but it can also remove nail polish (though this makes a nasty smell) and the goo that always gets left on your skin after you remove a Band-Aid.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

a haiku for spring

spring has sprung, and I
need a surefire way to take
mud stains out of clothes

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Should I stay or should I go, now?

If I'm really not enjoying this movie/concert/poetry slam/cooking demonstration, is it ok for me to leave, or is it rude?

Today an email from Kelly Hughes, owner of Aqua Books, got me thinking about this. He sent out what he called a "general amnesty" for people who "feel imprisoned by" his weekly e-newsletter, titled This Week at Aqua Books. If people feel imprisoned by his newsletter, I thought, why haven't they opted out before now?

This led me to wonder why I don't 'opt out' of things I am not enjoying. I saw an action movie recently that I found boring and gruesome (interesting and gruesome I can watch, most of the time. The boredom kills it), and didn't leave until the end. This may have had something to do with the fact that I attended the movie with several friends who seemed to be enjoying it, and I didn't want to leave them. I didn't ask them, though. Maybe they were as bored and disgusted as I felt, and we could have left together.

So here are my top five reasons why we stay with things we dislike watching/hearing/eating:

5. We're with friends/family/significant others who don't want to leave.
4. We're afraid of being spotted by the performer(s) and called out and/or insulted.
3. We don't want to explain why we're having an awful time to the wait staff/performer(s)/our dates.
2. We're hoping with all our might that it will get better before it ends.
1. We paid GOOD MONEY for the tickets/food/outfit we wore to the venue, and we don't want to feel that we've wasted it.

The #1 reason is very pertinent to my blog. Obviously, when we spend a lot of money on an evening's entertainment, we don't want to feel that the money goes to waste. But if we're just sitting there wishing we were somewhere else, like me in the movie theatre, wishing I was home doing laundry, then our time is being wasted along with our money.

If you can't get your money back, at least get your time back. Stop doing something you don't enjoy.

By the way, Kelly Hughes, I love your newsletter and I won't be taking advantage of the "general amnesty" notice. In my opinion, reading This Week at Aqua Books is time well spent.

Friday, March 18, 2011

idle hands...

do the devil's work, according to my grandma. And with my IPP submitted to a printing company, I've not much to do in my 'spare' time now (whatever bits are left over after the flow of regular homework). I have some time now, and also a lot of fabric stored away in a Rubbermaid container, against the day when I might actually do some sewing or mending.

No, not mending. The snow is going to melt (soon!), and with spring comes the need to make new things. What will I make?

Well, there are lots of great free patterns out there, with helpful tips. Crafters love to share their knowledge and experiments. Here are two of the projects I'll be completing:

High Tea Clutch: a beautiful little purse that I'm creating to a slightly smaller scale, to make a series of colourful wallets.

Super Apron: I looked through quite a few gorgeous half- and full apron patterns, and came to the conclusion that not only do I have all the materials for this one, but also that the pattern falls within my beginner skill level.

If you do a Google search, you will find hundreds of patterns for bags, clothes, whatever you fancy.

Spring will spring!

Friday, March 11, 2011

I'm Pumped, Proud & a little Paranoid

My ten minutes of fame went by in a blur. I wasn't nervous or unhappy. I knew what I wanted to say, and I hope I spoke calmly and with conviction. That morning, my stomach had been a tangle of nerves, but the instant I spoke into the mic I felt the tangle vanish. I was a little paranoid about what could go wrong, but once I got to that podium, I knew I was in control.

Today, Friday, is the finale for the Class of 2011 Independent Professional Project Presentations in CreComm. Two very talented classmates of mine, Jasmine and Erika, have been working to make the whole thing happen - alongside 59 other presentations showcasing the best of what we, the about-to-graduate students, can do.

Each time I hear a classmate's name announced, I'm so happy to watch them take their place under the spotlight to tell me about their journey to that podium. Since the projects are, for the most part, independent (really, I don't think any of us did EVERYTHING ourselves), I'm not familiar with each project from beginning to end, and listening to how bravely my peers struggled and planned to reach the finish line is inspiring. I'm excited. I'm on the edge of my seat. I clap, I cheer until I've lost my voice.

I'm so proud of what we've all accomplished, alongside our regular homework, family lives, and even jobs. Way to go, everyone.

(For those who would like to attend the finale at the Convention Centre later today, tickets are "the low, low price of free", to quote my Advertising instructor.)

Friday, March 4, 2011

Plus ca change...

As I was finishing up the video for my IPP, I thought I'd best show it to my mother and grandfather (the latter of whom is one of the two stars in the vid). My grandfather smiled delightedly as he watched himself onscreen, and my mother -

Well, my mother began to cry.

When I asked her why she was so upset, she told me that I was lucky to have my whole life in front of me, because that was her past on the screen: hers and her father's. "You have the future," she told me. "We only have the past."

Today, my mother was a witness at her father's remarriage. Looking at the photos of the happy couple, 83 and 85 years young, I thought to myself that they didn't look like people who only had the past. They were counting on a future together, too.

And later on today, as I read my classmate Amanda Hope's novel about her great aunt Rose (it's called Pieces, folks, and you should all go read it), I saw yet another example of a woman who continued to move forward her whole life, ready for the next adventure, never losing hope.

That's why I wrote my IPP. To show what amazing, forward-thinking people accomplished in order to get us to where we are now - and to remind us to always look forward and hope for a future, whether we're thinking two decades, two months, or two weeks ahead.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

We've come to the end...

of five weeks of wearing a cast. Upon reflection, I've saved a lot of money. No driving meant not buying gas for the car. An inability to stand on two feet meant a refund on the Pilates class I signed up for. Not getting around much means I haven't been tempted to impusle buys at the mall or the grocery store. Nope, since I fell my purchases have all been school-related.

I will be extremely glad to get the cast off and return to making impulse ice cream purchases at the grocery store, though. :)

That's all for this week.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Any room for me at the inn?

I'll be spending a month out of town after school is out of session. I'm really looking forward to it, but I've run into one little hiccup. The family connection I'd planned to stay with rented out his condo and moved to the U.K., so I'm in search of alternate accommodations. I'm wary of hostels, since I need to put down roots for more than just a few days, and I'm also wary of hotels, because they aren't really set up for long-term accommodations and tend to cost a lot even when they are.

My discovery of something in between, called "apartment hotels" has really made the difference. These are set up for a long-term stay, with some including kitchens and looking almost like condos. The rates are a bargain if you stay for a solid month, or pay to stay for a solid month, sometimes as low as $60/night.

The other important discovery I've made is university dorm living. In the summers, most students have left their dorms to head home or travel or work somewhere other than the university's locale, so these areas are available for rent to travelers. One place I'm looking at has a rate of $38/night if you stay for a month in the summer.

I was concerned that without a couch to surf on, I'd end up in an exorbitant hotel far from the areas I'd planned to visit. But it looks like there really are affordable, apartment-style accommodations out there for travelers. And that's a big relief.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Um, pardon me, I have a coupon...

For Christmas, my mother treated my father and my boyfriend each to a version of the "Entertainment Book." Remember it? Celebrated years ago as THE way to wine & dine a significant other, get sports equipment for the kids, or get an oil change at great prices? My mother swore by hers while I was growing up - and good for her, too. I'm sure there were many things we could not have afforded at regular prices, but were lucky enough to experience because of the coupons.

My mother is a bit dejected by this year's offering, however. She says that the conditions under which you can use the coupons have changed quite a bit. Where before you could simply "Buy one entree, and get one of equal or lesser value for half price", you now can only "Receive $5 off of your meal when spending $60 or more." I suppose this is more worrisome because my parents are no longer taking kids in tow when they go to a restaurant, and my boyfriend and I are just two people, so a $60 meal, even with a discount, is often more than we'd spend. This renders many coupons useless.

What about the ones in the book that you can't use? You pay for them all, and you get them all - even if you don't have a car that needs an oil change, or pets that need grooming, or carpeted floors that would require carpet cleaning. If coupons you don't need make up a significant portion of the book, how useful is the book to you?

Additionally, if you can look through the book beforehand, be mindful of expiry dates. A year-long book is great, but if most of the coupons expire before June of the given year, how great a deal is the book, really?

Once I get back home, I'm going to take a good hour at least to sit down with our coupon book and see how much of it we can use. After all these years of watching my family at work, I'm sure I've perfected the signature phrase of, "Um, pardon me, I have a coupon..."

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Part 2: Cheap Haircuts

I've always wanted to be able to cut my own hair. At age 5 I attempted to give myself bangs using safety scissors, without a mirror! The results horrified my parents, who told me that young ladies don't usually cut their own hair. I assume they meant "young ladies who haven't yet graduated from safety scissors" because now that I'm not so good at walking and can't drive, cutting my own hair is the easiest way for me to get a haircut.

I did a really good job of it on Thursday, but today decided that I wanted a shorter look - and cut off too much. I'm waiting until it dries completely to see what I can salvage. I got news on Friday that I'm only 3 weeks away from a walking maybe I should just wait until I'm more mobile and can get a haircut somewhere else.


Thursday, February 3, 2011

My First Attempt at Comedy: Cheap Workout!

The first time I enrolled in a gymnastics class, I was 5. I was so excited to learn how to be strong, graceful, and fearless. Instead, I fell off of a beam and didn't have enough balance to do a handstand. Undeterred, I tried many other sports over the years, as well as working out at gyms. Sadly, I lack the endurance and coordination to do anything - except cheer on others from the sidelines.

Recently though, as luck would have it, I found an exciting new workout that has yet to disappoint. My back and arms ache in the morning, my feet ache in the evening, but there's no getting out of these habits until I complete my 6-week regime.

Allow me to present my equipment:

The Bench Press. Weighs significantly more than the average ankle is used to supporting and made of low-grade, non-waterproof plaster. The need to keep this thing elevated will have a great effect on your calf and thigh muscles. Not to mention that your other ankle, now supporting the weight of your entire body, is also going to pack on the muscle!

The Weights. These babies incorporate bicep curls and push-ups into one simple exercise - walking/staying upright. After a couple of days, the bruises on your ribs and underarms may look appalling, but don't let that stop you! I mean, your wrists and biceps will be thanking you in just 4 short(ish) weeks.

Hey, trying to navigate icy Winnipeg while on crutches is no picnic, and I'm lucky to have friends and family looking out for me and (literally) ready to catch me. But there are still days when, while taking twice as long to get to my locker as I normally would, I feel slightly annoyed. So here's looking on the bright side, and trying to get some positives out of my experience on crutches. Oh - and also a great workout, for just the $55 the crutches cost me.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Yup, it done broke.

I was so excited to get to school on Monday, I broke my ankle.

Let me rephrase that. I was walking faster than I should have on one of Winterpeg's typically icy intersections, and I fell. As I fell, something twisted in my leg, and by the time I hit the ground, I knew something was seriously wrong. A construction worker helping to fix the lights at the intersection saw me, and ran out into the street to help me hobble to safety. And when he and I were standing on the boulevard, we watched a car that was unable to stop as it slid into a bus. When the car's driver stepped out to examine his car, HE fell on the ice, too! It was a REALLY icy intersection.

Because I was in shock - i.e. dizzy, blurred vision, wanting to sleep or throw up, loss of hearing - the construction crew thought I had hit my head. They called me an ambulance, and said I had a broken ankle and a head injury. So the paramedics came and strapped me to a spine board. I couldn't move, which was fine because I didn't really want to. I was kept in the hospital all day, first to determine whether or not I'd hit my head (I hadn't) and then to determine whether or not the breaks (yes, I broke the ankle in two places) required surgery. In the end, they decided I didn't require immediate surgery, but that I have to go back next week to check again.

They want to put a plate and some pins into my ankle, if I don't heal miraculously in a week.

This has meant a lot of changes for me. I can't go home, because my apartment is up 4 flights of stairs and the building has no elevator. I'm weak and in pain, and not good enough yet with crutches. So my parents have kindly taken me in, and my boyfriend is left to man the fort alone.

Also, I haven't really ever been in this much pain. I'm told I have a high pain threshold, because other injuries like a dislocated shoulder and a fractured tailbone haven't bothered me much. THIS hurts like hell, and I am allergic to every painkiller the hospital suggested, so I am making do with basic Motrin. The I-wanna-vomit sensation whenever my ankle twitches or comes up against something is awful. People with chronic pain - how do you stand it?

I'm lucky. Really lucky. I could have hit my head. I could have fallen at an intersection where there was no one else around, at which point I probably would have been hit by a car. I could have still been in the intersection when that car hit that bus, which wouldn't be so good for me either. And if I'd been admitted on my own instead of by ambulance, it would have taken even longer for me to be seen, X-rayed, and casted. I'm still under 30, so my chances of healing are pretty good...IF I keep my ankle still.

They suggested a week, to get the healing process started. They gave me a doctor's note. But what about CRECOMM?!?!?! I'm worried I'll fall behind.

If you want to read a better post about breaking an ankle in CreComm, Laura Kunzelman has it covered here.

For now, I'll be hoping my instructors get back to me so I can form a plan of how to get back into the swing of CreComm before and after a potential operation.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Recently Deceased Foliage = Romantic?

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, I join many puzzled friends wondering what to get my significant other to truly demonstrate the depth of my relief that he hasn't left me yet. (Just kidding - I trust him. I do want to find something that shows how wonderful I think he is, though!) At the same time, I begin to puzzle over whether or not I will receive something that my s/o has similarly agonized over - and if that something will include flowers.

When he and I first met, a hazy eight years ago, I ranted at length about despising flowers - and then cooed like a little bird over the two long-stemmed roses he handed over the next Feb. 14. I must have appeared to be completely won over by said flowers - I even dried and saved them for many years before the vacuum cleaner ate them.

But fresh-cut flowers are a dilemma, at least in my mind. Are they friendly to the environment? It would seem not. Do they have an enduring value? Nefarious vacuum cleaners aside, they can be dried and saved, but this doesn't retain much of the way they looked when fresh. Do they rot if neglected? Absolutely, and that's not very romantic.

So, to the three people who read this blog: I open it up to you. Do you give/receive flowers? Why? Do you want to receive flowers? Why/why not?

As for me: While writing this post, I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to rain on his parade. Anything - or nothing - is fine. The best Valentine's Day gift will be to just spend time with him.

Maybe we'll go buy some flowers.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Free Astrological Predictions!

In light of the kerfuffle over the 'new' astrological sign Ophiuchus, and in the absence of a prediction from Duncan McMonagle, I post my own horoscopes for the next 7 days, as determined by making sentences out of random words found in the French dictionary I use at work:


Today’s horoscope:

Leo: Multiple deadlines have you panic-stricken today. Relax, don't be afraid to delegate, and focus on one task at a time to get everything done.

Aries: You have no cause for complaint today, Aries. Everything is going your way. Just make sure to thank the people who helped smooth your way, or else the future might be a lot more difficult.

Taurus: Friends are clinging to you like parasites today. They all need something from you! If you’re in a giving mood, feel free to help out – but make sure you save some time for yourself, or you’ll feel burnt out.

Gemini: Technical difficulties at work have you feeling burnt out today. Unwind tonight – have drinks with friends or watch a movie with someone special.

Aquarius: You’re feeling mischievous this afternoon. As long as you don’t take the pranks too far, your ideas could be fun for friends, family, or even coworkers.

Scorpio: Important plans will end up cancelled tonight. It’s ok! Plan something spontaneous of your own: It’s sure to have positive and fun results.

Cancer: Things don’t seem to make sense today, and a lot of things feel out of place. Take a step back, and look at the bigger picture. The puzzle pieces will then start to come together.

Capricorn: You’ve been invited to do something fun this weekend! Prepare adequately today, or else the fun might quickly turn into an emergency.

Libra: You’re in unfamiliar surroundings. Pay attention! There might not be a rulebook to follow, but there are plenty of nuances you need to pick up on to find your way around.

Virgo: It’s been an exhausting week, and you need some time to yourself. Take a catnap, indulge your creative side by painting or taking photographs, or get outdoors and enjoy nature.

Sagittarius: A dose of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so take a careful look at what’s on your plate today. Is there anything you can do to ease the weight of your schedule? If so, put those plans into action right away. You’ll be grateful later on!

Ophiuchus: You’ve been eyeing a certain job or position for some time now. Guess what? That desk is yours! Now, the only question is: How are you going to celebrate?

Pisces: A change of career is in your future. You’ve been thinking about relocating to a more rural setting, and now’s the time to put those plans in motion. Good luck!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

DIY Disaster

My brother's a difficult person to shop for at Christmas. Anything he needs or wants, he usually buys for himself long before December rolls around. Knowing his love for framed art, though, I purchased a print by a local artist and decided to frame it myself.

I bought a $40 frame at a local art shop, and cut a piece of black foamcore board that I already had. There, frame and mat, $40. I thought I was good to go.

But - I don't know the first thing about framing. As I pushed and prodded to make sure that everything would fit into my chosen frame, I heard awful cracking sounds. First the glass within the frame broke into four pieces, and then the frame itself snapped apart in two places. I was left short $40, thinking that if I had consulted an expert, I would be holding a beautiful framed art piece for my brother, instead of heading to the garbage can having wasted time and money.

As I head into the new year, I think that's an important lesson for me. Cost-cutting isn't always worth it. It's not always going to net results that I'm proud of, and sometimes it won't even net results at all. Sometimes, if I want it done right, I'll have to open my wallet and consult the experts.

Sorry, bro.